Paradise Cafe Discussions - A Place For Bible Research And Christian Encouragement

Am feeling lousy. Don't like moaning but I could really do with just letting all this out if you don't mind.

I've got an infection at the moment, am in pain with an absess under my arm which has got so bad I can barely move my arm and I feel sick and exhausted. I finally went to the doctor today and am on a high dose of antibiotics. She asked if I've been run down recently. I didn't discuss what's going on in my life with her because I'm a bit mixed up about it.

I've been lecturing again and there's a moslem youth in my class who is seeking to know God and is asking me all about him. The horrible thing is he's terrified of his dad and says his dad will cut his throat if he becomes a Christian. I recently found out that his dad is the guy who raped me twenty-odd years ago. If he thought I'd been telling his son anything that could cause him to leave Islam I genuinely fear what he would do. Its not uncommon for people back home to get murdered in honour killings. Hubby is angry, wants to beat him up, but the young lad, (same name, Mahmud, looks just like him too which is freaky) is nineteen and says he came to england to get away from his dad. This is like some wierd nightmare. Its not like bloody England and Israel are big enough countries, why do I have to have any connection to all that again?
Its dredging up a lot of painful stuff I really can't bear remembering. I am going to leave my job I think. Every time I look at the younger Mahmud I'm getting flashbacks to twenty years ago.

I've never told my family about this. Orthodox judaism isn't that far from believing the woman is somehow to blame in things like this. I couldn't have faced dad or any of my uncles if I'd said anything. Binyamin's the only one who knows in the "real world." Maybe that's why I talk about stuff in my personal life here online, no-one really knows me here so it feels safe.

Anyway, I suspect all of this has helped me become run down enough to sucumb to this rotten infection. I like my job, I'm on sick leave now anyway. Although I'm over those events 20 years ago, I still don't want a reminder.

Sorry to come on and moan, and sorry I haven't been myself recently. Its not upbuilding I know.

Dear Malkah-- :shocked:

Oh My Goodness!!! I am soo sorry malkah and pretty well speechless. Talk about a perfect storm. My next move is to spend a bit of time in prayer over this for you. I don't want to say anything that sounds stupid or insensitive as this is a trial and a half. I can only imagine all the different emotions you are dealing with. Please know I am keeping you close in mind and heart and wishing and hoping for a good outcome on this one...sending you much love malkah--I am so glad our new friend Ben is there with you xxxxxxxwolfie :heartbeat:

Hey Malkah!! :clap:


Wow!! What a "coincedence!" :huh:;):huh:

Thanks for sharing sis...its takes "guts" to be real. I admire you for that.


In NLP, they say that the unconscious mind (or subconscious) will bring up "stuff" when you are ready, mentally and spiritually, to deal with it - and sometimes, when the "stuff" does come up, it can be at very inoppourtune times. It usually comes as flashbacks, though, our unconscious mind will create physical situations which are projections of our own internal dissonance. Spiritually - you could say that this God giving you an oppourtunity to clear away the residue that is still affecting you.

The key thing is here -- is that it wouldnt be coming up either as flashbacks or as the physical situation if you werent ready to deal with it. Ready meaning that you are strong enough to let this go. Dealing with it, meaning that you get resolution to the point of this no longer effecting you. Truly letting go.

I wonder about your arm? When did it start becoming an issue? Was it before Mahmud (the son) started coming to your class? Or was it something that started as a result of his being at your class, and your having flashbacks? Dis-ease can result from our holding onto intense, unconscious negative emotions that arent dealt with.

Deep down, I think you know what you need to do, Malkah...I know God has given you a very powerful understanding - especially in relation to the removal of the burning star in your heart -- and now your ready to REALLY get this crap out of your vibration.

I hope this doesnt come across as demeaning or belittling to you, Malkah...thats not my intention....you really are a treasure to me and you have my utmost respect....its just that ive just seen the effects of traumatic experiences and negative unconscious emotions that are so strong that they can have the effect of making us sick and eventually killing us.

You are strong enough sister...I know it, you know it....and God knows it! :thumbsup:

You and your family will be in my prayers...:grouphug:


Your friend and brother, Beau! :friends::friends::friends:

Thanks Wolfie and Beau, though I suppose I didn't really post this for sympathy or prayer or advice, just to get it off my chest.

Spent half of yesterday laughing at the absurdity of it all. If I was writing it as a story I'd reject it for being too contrived and unblelievable.

Wierder still, I worked out the younger Mahmud must have been concieved about the same time it all happened. Makes my brain hurt.

I am very sorry to hear of not only your current sickness but the past ills that have befallen you..

I do not have much to add Beau had a lot of good points

I too agree that our Father feels that you can somehow come past the evils that have befallen you.
It is a testament to your character as well as inner strength..

I only wish their was something I could do or some comfort I could bring to you.

I will say this thou, Forgiveness is a very very healthy emotion.

Many people have had all sorts of evil things in their minds that they indeed have made manifest in this world.

The Reign of our One king will be awesome as justice will prevail as well as bringing those who are willing to do some soul searching to a common ground.

Keep your chin up kid I know you have a good stable friend by your side lean on him.

PS Moan all you want, I believe that is what having friends is about being able to voice the happy and the sad .

We all have our up and down days/ weeks

((((((((Malkah, dear heart)))))))) I wish I could hug you in person. :friends::hug::cheekkiss: Let it all out, sweetie - that in itself is cathartic and healing. Praise God you have your Ben-rock.

:pray:

Hi Malkah,
Coincidences do occur in life, and its possible God is at work through this and inner healing is the objective. I personally feel this occurs exceptionally and is not the norm.

When I found out I had inoperable cancer, now seven years ago this June, I was told there was no treatment, by people I knew well from my work in medical physics. However, it involved a web of several different people from my life, giving me negative messages to accept my future which was bleak. When I came to find out, after a terrible four months, radiotherapy treatment was recommended, help also came from another who I knew well, which was totally unexpected.

Through all of this I committed myself to God asking that he would strengthen me in my weakness and help me work through my health 'problem' whatever the outcome.

Beyond all hope of gaining release, I now thank God every day for the precious gift of life, in this very long and marvellous remission I have at present.

God bless you sister as you stay faithful through your horrible trial.
your brother in Christ
Derek

Malkah,

Please take care of yourself first. Your health, safety (yours and your family) and peace of mind come first.

You are not obligated to go all out for Mahmud. You have been through enough, Jah knows that already. Gently point him in the right direction or to the appropriate person or group to talk to. That should be enough, given the history and circumstances.

Iy am so sorry for what you have been through and pray that Jah keeps you safe.

love,

Lou

Dear Malkah,
I understand your pain, :cry:and can commisserate with you over the infection. :grouphug:I will pray all is resolved soon. I agree with Beau, I'm a holistic health person too.Something like this coming to the surface is considered a good thing holisticly.
I believe there are coincedences & then there are coincendences too big to ignore.GOD is in HIS heaven & in control of all things. I believe HE will give you direction & strength, to know what to do, when you pray about this.:love::giverose::cheekkiss::heartbeat:
Blithe

Dear Malkah, I don't think you need to by psychoanalyzed, or that this some sort of weird projection of your subconscious. I think talk like that is just silly. I pray that the Lord can use this as a way to increase your faith, trust, and reliance upon the Savior. If through this difficult time, you come out with more trust in, and love for the fatherly care of HaShem, and come to experience more of the sustaining power and grace of the Holy Spirit, then the whole unpleasant experience was beneficial to your soul in the eternal perspective of things, and will actually result in "joy that is inexpressible". So trust in Jesus and he will see you through it!

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. - Psalm 55:22

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea. - Psalm 46:1-2

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, - 1 Peter 1:6-8

May the Lord keep you through this trial, and may you find your source of joy in Him.

Matt

:hibye: sis Ish:

Many prayers have gone to Jah and Jesus for extra strength to see you through this latest round of dealing with satan and his burning missles coming at us all from all directions at once, it seems. With several family members lives involved, they're included in our prayers also.:giverose:

Thank you brother matt for posting the Scriptures i had in mind!:read:

Much Christian Love and Healing to You, your family and ALL:grouphug::heartbeat:
sis

Malkah,

:love:

Wow, Thats just the most crazy thing. I dont believe in coincidences. And that feeling is no different in this case. I would, and have, felt just as you do.. This is the last thing I need to deal with....Sometimes it feels like insult upon injury.

First, Please know sis, do not fear this man, I know that you have no reason to feel safe, nor did in the past, but this time it is the fear that you are going to have to reject. This fear is part of what will be removed. I know you said that this situation had healed, but sometimes we do not know what else is left that needs to be rooted out. Let your father lead the way, and allow what needs to happen,... happen. Trust him.

That is sometimes the absolute hardest thing to do. Is to sit back and leave the control to him. It can strip away what we feel is our protection. But if we do not, it can be like a thorn being removed, but we are grabbing it from the other end trying to keep it in place, cause anytime it is moved, the pain hurts so much.

Your in my prayers sis. I ask for you to feel his love and peace, to see things as he does, and to see then end of the matter, which always leads us into his arms of safety.

love
Lynn

Dear Malkah,

The absess ought to be removed surgically. The poison released. I had one and, like you, in pain -couldn't lift my arm, no sleep, - until it had been removed.

I find it hard to believe in coincidences, especially one like you are undergoing. Seems as though these are redemptive issues.

Prayers for you sis, for your spiritual well being and your return to physical good health.


Tessa:heartbeat:

I did a sort of DIY job on it last night with a big needle. I had to burst it just to ease the pressure. I'm now hoping it doesn't get worse, it certainly feels better now.

As for the rest, I'm burying my head in the sand because I can't find a solution and I don't want to think about any of it.