Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.
En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him and then gazed out the ambulance window.
"Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
A salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.
He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss. His note read, "Failed in securing client, prepare the boss."
He received the following fax from his secretary:
"The boss is prepared ... prepare yourself."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline in the Northwest.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in coach.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Sally came how with her new fur coat.
When her daughter saw the coat she yelled: "Mum, you should be ashamed of yourself to wear a fur coat! Don't you realise that than poor dumb animal has suffered for that?"
Sally looked at her daughter angrily and shouted out: "Don't you dare to talk about your father like that...!"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news", the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"OK", the doctor said, "Let's make it NINE months."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he said" "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The doctor answered: "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."
The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."
"My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Darn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."
His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Young O'Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a pew and entered the confessional. "Father," he said breathlessly, "I've just shot down two British lieutenants!"
Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British captain!"
When there was still no response from the priest, O'Donnell said, "Father, have ye fainted?"
"Of course I haven't fainted," replied the confessor. "I'm waitin' for you to stop talkin' politics and commence confessin' your sins!"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
A man tells his doctor his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Amanpreet's trailer house, Amanpreet asked,"What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "This is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Preet. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked Preet.
The lad smiled and replied, "Applied psychology."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
A doctor said to his patient, "Well, your leg is swollen, but I wouldn't worry about it." The patient replied, "No, and if your leg were swollen I wouldn't worry about it either."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Patient: How much to extract wisdom teeth?
Dentist: $500.
Patient: That's ridiculous! Isn't there something cheaper?
Dentist: I can cut the price in half, if we don't use anesthetic.
Patient: Nope. That's still way too much.
Dentist: OK. If I just rip them out with pliers, the price is $50.
Patient: That's more like it. Book my husband for next Monday.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.
Below is his explanation...
There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."
"I agree," said the second explorer.
"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.
"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
The second said: "N, eh."
The first... "D, eh."
And now you know the story.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore