Harry, a TV repairman, was called to fix a television set that had neither sound nor picture. Left alone in the room, Harry spotted the cause immediately: the set was unplugged. Harry faced a dilemma -- one part of him said he shouldn't charge the woman while the other insisted he be paid for his time.
Finally, he presented her with a minimum-charge service bill, which read, "Restored isolated connecting cable to primary power source. $25."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
lovely jokes
I suggest meditation when doing nothing otherwise.
It is better then sitting around and doing nothing.
edit: changed my joke to be more understandable.
Hi spiceant
Your comment is inappropriate.imo. Humor is good spiceant..(it is medicine.) Thank God for it, spiceant.
(IMO, you might just be the very only one that does not appreciate Bangalores valuable contribution to this discussion board.)
Ecclesiastes 3:4...
"...A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain, A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend, A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does?..."
Christian love and concern
gogh
edited: Thanks spiceant for the clarification...grin.
By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked.
"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game."
"How long could that have taken you?"
"Well, I had to toss it 14 times."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son. As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew.
Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." It worked.
But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ... don't talk with your mouth full."
Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Internal Revenue Service Theme Song.
Tax his cow, tax his goat;
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his crop, tax his work;
Tax his ties, tax his shirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke;
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule;
Tell him, "Taxing is the rule."
Tax his oil, tax his gas;
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, tax him more;
Tax him 'til he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod 'neath which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb:
"Taxes drove him to his doom."
After he's gone, we won't relax;
We'll still collect inheritance tax.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
As a law student, I landed a summer job as a law clerk in a prestigious law firm in Charlotte, North Carolina. My duties included investigating personal injury claims arising from automobile accidents.
One day an elderly woman called in from Indian Hill, NC, a small rural town south east of Charlotte. On her way to work, an 18-wheeler plowed into the back of her car. The impact crumpled the back end of her car up past her door, pinning her inside.
Going through my litany of questions, trying to sound as lawyerly and professional as I could, I asked, "Mam, did you give the police a statement?"
"Yes" she answered.
"What statement did you give them mam?" I asked.
"I tolls 'em, 'git me outta' here!!'"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.
One day, while pointing to a little boy's ear, the doctor asked him, "Is this your nose?"
Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I think we'd better find a new doctor!"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire.
After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
My first stop on my vacation was my sister's house in Montana. She's extremely organized. Before she leaves on a trip, she always types up address labels for her postcards.
This time, I figured I'd done her one better. I boasted, "You'll be impressed. I've already written thank-you notes to everyone with whom I'll be staying. They're all stamped and ready to go."
My sister was silent for a moment, and then she said, "You mean those little envelopes I saw in your room and mailed this morning?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses.
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Whiting admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Highway 11 from Albert Street, I looked over to my left and there's this man in a Mustang doing 95 miles per hour with his face up next to his rear view mirror.... shaving!!!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back, he's halfway over in my lane. Scared me so bad I almost dropped my eye liner pencil in my coffee.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore