The Top ten Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say.
10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. Here's $100.
1. What do I want for Father's day? Aahh -- don't worry about that. It's no big deal. (Okay, he might say it, but he doesn't mean it!)
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top 24 "Eaten Words" in History
1. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
2. Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular
Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
3. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas
Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
4. "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and walked with
the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that
won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for
Prentice Hall, 1957
5. "But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing
Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
6. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
7. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.
8. "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
9. "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." --A Yale University management
professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
10. "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,1927.
11. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary
Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
"Gone With The Wind."
12. "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
13. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
14. "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." --Lord Kelvin,
president, Royal Society, 1895.
15. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer
Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
16. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
17. "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work.
18. "You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of
weight training." --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable"
problem by inventing Nautilus.
19. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're
crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
drill for oil in 1859.
20. "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
21. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marechal
Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
22. "Everything that can be invented has been invented." --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
23. "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
24. "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
The Top 10 Reasons Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen.
This was found in Feb. 2000 issue of The Farmer-Stockman
10. They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.
9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains,syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
7. It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
5. They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.
3. Top speed is only about 45 mph.
2. Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield.
1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Elephant Jokes
Part I of II
1. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
2. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
3. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Ha ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
4. What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.
5. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
6. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
7. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
Squash
8. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
9. How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.
10. How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
11. How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.
12. How do you get an elephant out of the water?
Wet.
13. How do you get two elephants out of the water?
One by one.
14. Why do elephants live in herds?
To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
15. How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".
16. What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?
Swim for it...:confused:
17. Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
18. Hickory Dickory Dock,
An elephant ran up the clock,
The clock is being repaired.
19. ELETELEPHONY
once there was an elephant
who tried to be a telephant;
no no, I mean an elephone
who tried to be a telephone.
(Dear me I am not certain quite
that even now i've got it right)
how e'r it was he got his trunk
entangled in the telephunk
the more he tried to get it free,
the louder buzzed the telephee.
(i fear i'd better quit this song
of elehop and telephong.)
20. Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow,
grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
21. Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
22. Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
23. Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
24. Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
25. Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue,
and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
26. Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue,
and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
27. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: There's no such thing as a yellow elephant, stupid!
The Top Elephant Jokes
Part II of II
27. Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
26. Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.
25. Q: What's the slowest thing in the jungle?
A: A monkey carrying a bunch of cherries.
24. Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till Autumn.
23. Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
22. Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first one.
21. Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
20. Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
19. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
18. Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug? A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
17. Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
16. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
15. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
14. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
13. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
12. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
11. Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
10. Q: Why are elephants feet shaped the way they are?
A: To fit on lily pads.
9. Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
A: Slow natives.
8. Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
7. Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
6. Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.
5. Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Feed the elephant.
4. Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.
3. Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatoligist.
2. Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.
And the number one elephant joke of all time is......
1. Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?:blush::redface:
The Top 15 "Ever wonder..." Moments.....
15. why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
14. why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
13. why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
12. why doctors call what they do "practice"?
11. why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?
10. why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
9. why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
8. why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
7. why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
6. why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
5. why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
4. why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
3. if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
2. why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
And the number one "ever wonder" moment is.....
1. why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
The top 15 FDA Beer Warnings
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering, when you are not.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4am.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named BO.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
15. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
The Top 15 Funny (If not exactly true;)) Statistics
1. Average life expectancy ( in seconds ) of an enemy soldier in a Chuck Norris film: 4
2. Number of men who have written letters proposing marriage to Vanna White: 3,506
3. Age most people stop believing in Santa Claus: 8
Age most people stop believing in politicians: 7
4. Number of chemical elements in the universe: 104
In a glass of New Jersey tap water: 98
5. Number of "Yuppie-dramas" now being developed by the 3 major networks: thirtysomething
6. Number of days into baseball season before Cleveland Indians are written off as pennant contenders: 5
7. Average powder base ( in inches ) on Aspen ski slope: 17
On Tammy Bakker: 1/4
8. Salary of the average Pro Wrestler : $47,500 /yr.
If Pro Wrestling didn't exist : $4.25/hr.
9. Number of things that annoy Andy Rooney : 2,000,000
Number of people annoyed by Andy Rooney : 23,000,000
10. Average miles per gallon you can expect if a car maker's ad says " 30 mpg, city" : 23
11. Number of people who aren't doctors, but play them on TV: 57
Who aren't doctor's but play them in hospitals: 5,840
12. Number of people in the history of air travel who have been able to get a $99 Maxsaver fare to coast: 2
Restrictions for that fare: 237
13. Percentage of the public that understand the new tax code: 11%
Percentage of accountants who understand it: 9%
Percentage of IRS employees who understand it: 6%
14. Number of people who work for the government: about half
15. Number of Americans who believe any of the statistics on this page are accurate: 2,478,644
Who believe TV Evangelists are trustworthy: 2,478,644
Another school themed list.....
The Top 25 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Week of Class
Part I of II
1. Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
8. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
9. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
10. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
11. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
12. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention
hotline number on the board.
13. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
14. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's
"Sex Machine."
15. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps
would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
16. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
17. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
18. Address students as "worm".
19. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
20. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
21. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a
waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
22. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
23. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and
announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
24. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
25. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space
for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your
sentence and proceed normally.
(Hmmmmmmm, I already do that last one.........:thinking:)
The Top 25 Fun Things for a Professor to do the first week of class....
Part II of II
25. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.
24. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
23. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
22. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".
21. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class
projects.
20. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
19. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
18. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
intervals.:shocked:
17. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
16. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
15. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
14. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
13. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the
funk".
12. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and
deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
11. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
10. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
9. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
8. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
7. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
6. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
5. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".
4. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"
3. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
2. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
And the number one fun thing for a professor to do the first week of class is........
1. Use a graduate student to bang cymbals every time your name is mentioned.
(Well, now- that last one just makes sense!!! ;))
Another school themed list.....
The Top 25 Fun Things to Do on the First Day of Class
Part I of II
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"
2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.
3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".
7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. (I swear I did not make this one up!!!):rofl:
8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.
9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
11. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
12. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your
intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.
13. Sing your questions.
14. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
16. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.
17. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.
18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.
19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".
20. Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.
21. Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occasionally shudder.
22. Address the professor as "your excellency".
23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.:giggle:
(Again, I did NOT make that last one up!)
The Top 25 Funny Things to Do on the First Day of Class....
Part II of II
25. Completely ignore the professor, but as you leave for the day, ask if any of that drivel will be on the test.:argue:
24. Ask for the professor's qualifications. Demand proof.:readthis:
23. Ask whether you have to come to class. Follow up by saying you will have to lead the class in prayer. :pray:
22. Present the professor with an enormous fruit-basket.:snack:
21. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.:angry:
20. Sit up nice and straight. Wear a pleasant smile on your face. Softly snore thru the entire lecture.:yawn:
19. Watch the professor through binoculars. :hunter:
18. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.:groupwave:
17. When the professor turns on his laser-pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!":eek:
16. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it's Smith. Claim that the "i" is silent. :seehearspeak:
15. Sit in the front row, reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.:read:
14. As soon as the first bell rings, regardless of the class subject, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.:dunce:
13. Claim that you wrote the class textbook.:albert:
12. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTOR!":grad:
11. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.:airkiss:
10. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Sign-up Sheet #" at the top, and start passing it around the room.:scratchhead:
9. Stand to ask questions. After the professor answers, bow deeply before taking your seat.:worthy:
8. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?":questioning:
7. Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.:construction:
6. Wink at the professor every few minutes.;)
5. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.:scared:
4. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.:rofl:
3. Wear a black hooded cloak to class, and ring a bell.:reaper:
2. Every time a professor mentions a name, ask "Did he have any children?":P
And the number one funny thing to do on the first day of class is....
1. Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther, because you can't see Macedonia.:funnyface:
The Top Ten Things To Ponder.
1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
4. A penny saved is a government oversight.
5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
7. He who hesitates is probably right.
8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
9. The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
10. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Signs That You Might Be Floridian.
"Down South" means Key West.
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
You think no one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Might Be Floridian.
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore