The Top Five One One-Liners.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
You know you are over-the-hill when you're just too tired to climb one!
Why is stuff sent on ships called "cargo" and UPS sends "shipments?"
Never criticize your wife's faults.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One One-Liners.
It's a small world -- unless you gotta walk home.
Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?
I'm going to start thinking positive, but I know it won't work.
What's the speed of dark?
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One One-Liners.
The other night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the roof?"
The 50-50-90 Rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One One-Liners.
"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Light travels faster than sound.
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One One-Liners.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
You can't have everything - where would you put it?
The things that come to those that wait
may be the things left by those who got there first.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One One-Liners.
When you go into court you're putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
who weren't smart enough get out of jury duty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Did Noah keep his bees in ArcHives?
If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin One-Liners.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Four Financial Occupations.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle, and bayonets all the wounded.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five T-Shirt Slogans.
I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
On the front: 60 is not old.
On the back: ...If you're a tree.
Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.
In God we trust. All others we polygraph.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Oxymorons.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore