The Top 25 Most Clever sayings found in Bathroom Grafitti
(Part I)
25. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
24. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
23. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
22. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
21. Go ahead and take risks... just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
20. Good judgement comes from experience...... and a lot of that comes from bad judgement !
19. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. Gene Police: YOU.. Out of the pool!
16. A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
15. Clones are people, two.
14. Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
13. Help stamp out and eradicate superflous redundancy.
12. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure....
11. Dyslexics have more nuf.
10. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
9. There are two theories about arguing with a woman. . . neither one works!
8. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
7. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it up and put it back in your pocket.
5. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
4. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
3. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.
2. Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
And the number one clever saying found in bathroom grafitti.....
1. Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
The Top 21 Most Clever sayings found in Bathroom Grafitti
(Part II)
21. People who write grafitti on bathroom walls are lame.
20. I agree. (Written below #21)
19. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
18. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
16. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
15. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
14. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
12. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
11. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
8. Asking a stupid question is better than repairing a stupid mistake.
7. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
6. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
5. No one ever says,"It's only a game," when their team is winning.
4. I believe that five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
3. What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
2. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
And The Number One Most Clever saying found in Bathroom Grafitti...
1. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they grow older, then it dawned on me..... they were cramming for their finals.
The Top 21 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
11. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
12. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars .
13. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
14. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
15. Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
16. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
17. Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!
18. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father."?
19. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
20. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
And the top reason why Star Wars is better than Titanic......
21. Titanic morals:
a. gamble,
b. cheat on your husband,
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.
1. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they grow older, then it dawned on me..... they were cramming for their finals.
That made me laugh!
1. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they grow older, then it dawned on me..... they were cramming for their finals.
That made me laugh!
:thumbsup:
That's what I'm here for!
Thank you, thank you. You've been a lovely audience. I'll be here 'til Thursday, don't forget to tip your waitress, and avoid the veal!
Love Ya! :funnyface:
The Top 12 Silly Wise Thoughts on Everything
12. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
11. Life is sexually transmitted.
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
8. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
1. You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration & Homeland Security.
:funnyface:
MIT is known for being one of the top "brain" schools in the world, so you'd expect thoughtful, intelligent responses from the students. And yet.........
The Top 20 Best and Worst Comments Taken From MIT "Course Evaluation Guide"
1. "Textbook is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
3. "In class, the syllabus is more important than you are."
4. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
5. "Textbook makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
6. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
7. "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame"
8. "Textbook is confusing...someone with a knowledge of English should
proofread it."
9. "Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
10. "This class was a religious experience for me...I had to take it all on faith."
11. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant.
Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
12. "Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam
material."
13. "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever."
14. "He is one of the best teachers I have had...He is well-organized,
presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my
comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
15. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
16. "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
17. "TA steadily improved throughout the course...I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
18. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose--spraying in all
directions--no way to stop it."
19. "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets"
20. "The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam.":shocked:
The Top 18 Signs You've Had Too Much Coffee :coffee:
(Part I)
18. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
17. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
15. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
14. You lick your coffeepot clean.
13. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
12. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
11. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
10. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
9. You can jump-start your car without cables.
8. All your kids are named "Joe."
7. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
6. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
5. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
4. People get dizzy just watching you.
3. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
2. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
And the top way you know you drink too much coffee....
1.Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. :coffeecup:
The Top 17 Ways You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee :coffeecup2:
(Part II)
17. You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
16. Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
15. Instant coffee takes too long.
14. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
13. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
12. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
11. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
10. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
9. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
8. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
7. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
6. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
5. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
4. You don't tan, you roast.
3. You can't even remember your second cup.
2. You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
And the number one way to tell that you drink too much coffee....
1. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." :coffeeread:
The Top Ten Reasons to Exercise, Or Not To Exercise
:jogging:
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where on earth she is.
3. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.
And the number one reason to exercise.....or to NOT exercise...:sweat:
1. I don't jog - it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
The Top 25 Zen(ish) Thoughts
25. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
24. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
23. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
22. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
21. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
20. No one is listening until you fart.
19. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
18. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
17. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
16. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
13. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.
11. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
10. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
9. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
8. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
7. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt...
Then things get worse.
6. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
5. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
3. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
2. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
And the top Zen(ish) saying is....
1. The most important ingredient for a long marriage is a short memory.
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
lol! Talk about your cup being half full.
That was hilarious.
Spud
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
lol! Talk about your cup being half full.
That was hilarious.
Spud
:D
The Top 20 "You Might Be A Computer Nerd If..."
Part I of III
(Try and guess which ones I can relate to...)
20. If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
19. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
18. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie:whistle:
17. If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
16. If Dilbert is your hero
15. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
14. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes:whistle:
13. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
12. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
11. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
10. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
9. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
8. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other
than hanging coats and taping ducts:whistle:
7. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one
to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
6. If you window shop at Radio Shack:whistle:
5. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the
latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies:whistle:
4. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a
test that actually takes five minutes to run
3. If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
2. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
And the number one "You Might be a Computer Nerd if..." (for today;))
1. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
(Hoo boy! :shocked: I'm in trouble, ain't I???:D)
The Top 25 "You Might Be A Computer Nerd If..."
Part II of III
25. If you own "Official Star Trek" anything:redface::blush:
24. If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
23. If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the
antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
22. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is":whistle:
21. If you see a good design and still have to change it
20. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions:whistle:
19. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
18. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
17. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are:whistle:
16. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires:whistle::whistle::whistle:
15. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal:whistle:
14. If you have more toys than your kids
13. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
12. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
11. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
10. If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight (I WISH!:rolleyes:)
9. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
8. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
7. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
6. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
5. If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what
size screw driver to use
4. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
3. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
2. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week:whistle:
And the number one sign that you are a computer nerd is......
1. If your checkbook always balances:whistle: