The Top Five Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners.
Oh, when I was a kid, when my parents went shopping, they always took me with them - that way they could park in a handicapped section.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father died; they asked my mother, "Paper or plastic?"
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."
When I was a kid I got no respect. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners.
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'"
When I was a kid we used to play Hide and Seek. Nobody wanted to look for me.
"I tried to teach my 15 year-old daughter how to drive. She couldn't get used to the front seat."
One time I got lost from my parents--I asked a cop, "Do you ever think I'll find them?" he said, "I don't know, kid, there are so many places they could hide."
I once went out with a woman, she was so old that when she was in school they didn't teach history.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws Of Combat.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws Of Combat.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws Of Combat.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws Of Combat.
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Groucho Max Quips.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Groucho Max Quips.
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Are In Arizona In The Summertime.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Are In Arizona In The Summertime.
You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Three Signs That You Are In Arizona In The Summertime.
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Longest Lists.
The Complete List Of irritating Volvo drivers.
The Complete List Of Shoes in Imelda Marcos' closet.
The Complete List Of Actors/actresses who have been married twice or more.
The Complete List Of Ways teenagers upset/offend/confuse their parents.
The Complete List Of What I want.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Longest Lists.
The Complete List Of People who use eBay at work.
The Complete List Of Reasons We Give for Saying Something We Wish We Hadn't Said.
The Complete List Of Apologies Husbands Make for Something They Said.
The Complete List Of Apologies Husbands Make for Something They Didn't Say.
The Complete List Of Things my kids want to spend my money on.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Reasons To Become A Nurse.
Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
Needles: It's better to give than to receive.
Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.
Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Need A New Doctor.
- He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."
- Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.
- He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant."
- He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.
- He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore