The Top Three Lawyer Quotes.
# A man without money needs no more fear a crowd of lawyers than a crowd of pickpockets
R. Rinkle
# Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding," from which comes idiot children and more lawyers
Kip Lurie
# A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from you enemies and keeps it to himself
Henry Bougham
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why's that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in?
Certainly - how about a paper bag?
Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
Next, please!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.
What's come over you?
Two cars and a bus!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.
Get back in the queue.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me.
One at a time, please.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory.
When did it happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?
Well, for a start, don't point him at me.
Doctor Doctor, I think I’m invisible.
Who said that?
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a king.
What’s your name?
Joe.
You must be Joe King!
Doctor Doctor, I think I’m a spoon.
Sit over there, please, and don’t stir!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
Doctor Doctor What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!
Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!
I suggest you take the spoon out!
Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid
Nonsense man, you can stop anytime
Doctor, doctor I feel like a sewing machine
Don’t tell everyone or they will all try and stitch you up
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
Doctor, doctor, I can’t get to sleep.
Lie on the edge of the bed and you’ll soon drop off!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!
Doctor, Doctor.. I have a strawberry on my head!
I'll give you some cream for that!
Doctor, Doctor.. My son swallowed a roll of film!
Lets hope nothing develops!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a 10 Dollar note
Well go and buy something then, the change will do you good.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Doctor, Doctor Jokes.
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaad.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snail.
Don't worry, we'll soon have you out of your shell.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dustbin.
Don't talk rubbish.
Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.
When did this first happen?
Next Thursday.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wife Jokes.
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. George Burns
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." Henny Youngman
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wife Jokes.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wife Jokes.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wife Jokes.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wife Jokes.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners.
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'"
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother's."
"My wife's cooking was so bad that the flies all chipped in to get the screen door repaired."
I had a good time last week. I did a show; the whole audience was midgets. I got a standing ovation - I didn't even know it!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners.
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"I'll tell ya, I was an ugly kid. One time my parents took me to a dog show and I won a prize."
"My car broke down, I called AAA - they towed me!"
My uncles dying wish was that I sit in his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Rodney Dangerfield's One-Liners.
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes. And I tell ya I got no confidence in the pilot. When he makes a left turn he puts his hand out.
I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon...
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore