The Top Five Rules For Teachers (circa 1915)
1. You will not marry during the term for your contract.
2. You are not to keep company with men.
3. You must be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless attending a school function.
4. You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores.
5. You may not travel beyond the city limits unless you have the permission of the chairman of the (school) board.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Rules For Teachers (circa 1915)
You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother.
You may not smoke cigarettes.
You may not dress in bright colors.
You may under no circumstances dye your hair.
You must wear at least two petticoats.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Two Rules For Teachers (circa 1915)
Your dresses must be not be any shorter than two inches
above the ankle.
To keep the school room neat and clean, you must: sweep the
floor at least once daily, scrub the floor at least once a
week with hot, soapy water, clean the blackboards at least
once a day, and start the fire at 7 a.m. so the room will
be warm by 8 a.m.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Household Laws.
A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to his/her ability to actually do the work involved.
Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one.
The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
Garage clutter expands. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will, if you move, fill a two-car garage.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Household Laws.
Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote-controls divided by the number of viewers.
The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outside temperature.
The capacity of any water-heater is equal to 1-1/2 sibling showers.
The laws of physics dictate that what goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Eight Little Known Illnesses.
AFROPHOBIA: Fear of the return of 70's hair styles.
DEJA FLU: The feeling that one has had this cold before.
HYPOCOINDRIA: Fear of not having correct change.
HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX: Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool.
HERPES CINEPLEX: Rash caused by movie tickets priced at $9.50.
CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER: Herbal-tea addiction.
VISACARDITIS: The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your credit limit.
OREOPOROSIS: Disorder caused by too many cookies, not enough milk.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are In Bakersfield, California.
1. A date to the Melodrama is the "theater".
2. You have to explain to company from out of town, what animal
"tri-tip" comes from and that it's indigenous to the area.
3. You buy salsa by the gallon.
4. You think a red traffic light is merely a suggestion.
5. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October,
but clear out before the end of April.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are In Bakersfield, California.
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are In Bakersfield, California.
People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
You can make sun tea instantly.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are In Bakersfield, California.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can
use your fireplace.
People with black cars or black upholstery are assumed to be
from out-of-town.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade
instead of distance.
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature
as the water from the hot one.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Three That Signs You Are In Bakersfield, California.
Sun screen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
And finally, no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Newspaper Errors.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."
It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.
There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.
From a California bar association's newsletter: Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please orrect to read "12 noon."
We apologize to our readers who received, through an unfortunate computer error, the chest measurements of members of the Female Wrestlers Association instead of the figures on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Newspaper Errors.
Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.
Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a bottle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that the talk was given by a battle-scarred hero.
Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."
The marriage of Miss Freda VanAmburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.
In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Newspaper Errors.
In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.
Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.
In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.
Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.
In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That You Might Be From Wisconsin.
You define Summer as three months of bad.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore