The Top Five Sports Quotes.
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas AandM, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Children's Proverbs.
Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader.
Never underestimate the power of...termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...how?
Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
No news is... impossible.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Children's Proverbs.
A miss is as good as a... Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new... math.
Love all, trust... me.
The pen is mightier than the... pigs.
An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Children's Proverbs.
Where there's smoke there's... pollution.
A penny saved is... not much.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as... Stevie Wonder.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Four Children's Proverbs.
Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws For Mothers.
Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't.
If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws For Mothers.
The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws For Mothers.
Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
Mothers always "know." We don't know how - they just do.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned in Spring Training.
Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.
Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.
Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Blond One-Liners.
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Work For The Government.
1. The process becomes more important than the product.
2. You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
3. You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
4. You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
5. You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore