The Top Two School Excuses.
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Pentagon Ice Cream Names.
A Thousand Points of Mint
Nukies & Cream
$800 Wrench Ripple
Taxation Sensation
Blowing S'Mocha
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Pentagon Ice Cream Names.
Taxpayer Crunched
Defense Contractors' Delight
Delicious Fictitious Budget Crunch
When-They-See-How-Much-We-Spent-The-Voters-Are-Gonna-Be Pistachio
Budget Fudge-It
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Redneck Movie Quotes.
"Houston, we have a 'possum."
"Are you CRYING? There's no crying in NASCAR!"
"Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her '68 Rambler into mine."
"Use the horse, Luke!"
"I ate his ribs... with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack Daniel's."'
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Redneck Movie Quotes.
"Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor pull, kid."
"I know what you're thinking... did he fire six shots or only five? Well, heck if I know! You KNOW I can't count no higher'n three since the chainsaw accident!"
"You want a tooth?! You can't HANDLE a tooth!!"
"We'll always have Wal-Mart."
"You had me at 'Sooooey!'"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Birthday Quotes.
I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.
When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
Birthdays, humph.... My folks were so poor we couldn't give my sister a sweet 16 party until she was 28.
On my 60th birthday my wife gave me a superb birthday present. She let me win an argument.
A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Three Birthday Quotes.
We know when we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
It's so sad to grow old alone. My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows.
By the time the last candle was lit on her birthday cake in February, the first one had gone out. If she ever told her real age her birthday cake would be a fire hazard. When it was fully lit it looked like a prairie fire.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids Darnedest Sayings.
- The parts of speech are lungs and air.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids Darnedest Sayings.
- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are Having A Bad Day.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five That Signs You Are Having A Bad Day.
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Marriage One Liners.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Marriage One Liners.
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!
Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Marriage One Liners.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does'nt. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Marriage One Liners.
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore