The Top Five Murphy's Laws For Parents.
1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2. Leakproof thermoses - will.
3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5. The shirt you child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Laws For Parents.
Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Household Laws.
A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to his/her ability to actually do the work involved.
Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one.
The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
Garage clutter expands. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will, if you move, fill a two-car garage.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Murphy's Household Laws.
Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote-controls divided by the number of viewers.
The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outside temperature.
The capacity of any water-heater is equal to 1-1/2 sibling showers.
The laws of physics dictate that what goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Are In A Large Family.
Someone asks where are the boys and you answer, which ones?
You say eight different names before you get the right one.
When you have six people in one bedroom.
Everywhere you go people ask, "Are these all yours?"
You take up two pews in church.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Are In A Large Family.
You have to double any recipe.
You remember when something happened by what baby was born that year.
You have three bathrooms and they are always full.
Everything you buy at the store is in bulk.
You go through a McDonald's drive-thru and order burgers, and they ask you to repeat your order four times.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Two Signs That You Are In A Large Family.
You do eight large loads of laundry every day and you are still not done.
You use up two boxes of cereal for breakfast.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Habits Other People Have That I Hate.
1. When someone points at his wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, pal; where is yours?
2. Someone who is willing to get off the couch to search the entire room for the TV remote because he refuses to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Of course I do! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why in the world would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a movie at the theater, "Did you see that?" No, loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Four Habits Other People Have That I Hate.
People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, sunshine?
When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
When people say, "Life is short." What are they talking about?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does and still remembers! What can you do on earth that's longer?
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
This phrase always seemed redundant to me. Of course it's the last place you look...:funnyface:
"Honey, did you find that yet?"
"Yeah, but I'm still looking for it....just in case we're living in a parallel universe or something..."
The Top Five Occupational Descriptions.
An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Occupational Descriptions.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned person who used to think they liked children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids Conversations.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
EACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
AMOS: I lost my quarter.
TEACHER: And why are you late, Oliver?
OLIVER: I was standing on it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids Conversations.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON: I hope you didn't either.
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five School Excuses.
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore