04-19-2009, 10:03 AM
04-20-2009, 09:32 AM
The Top Seven Retirement Questions And Answers.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in his chair.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic, or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in his chair.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic, or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-21-2009, 09:32 AM
The Top Ten Signs That You Are a Mom.
You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door.
You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door.
You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-22-2009, 09:11 AM
The Top Five Signs That You Are a Mom.
You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
You actually start understanding the Klingon language.
You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"
You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
You actually start understanding the Klingon language.
You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"
You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-23-2009, 10:48 AM
The Top Five Thoughts For The Day.
If you can't tie good knots, tie plenty of them. -Yachtsman's Credo
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be. - Spike Donner from Ruminations
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
If you can't tie good knots, tie plenty of them. -Yachtsman's Credo
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be. - Spike Donner from Ruminations
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-24-2009, 10:50 AM
The Top Five Thoughts For The Day.
Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are. -Cary Grant
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. -David H. Comins
I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are. -Cary Grant
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. -David H. Comins
I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-25-2009, 09:58 AM
The Top Five Quotable Quotes.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. --Doug Lars
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. --Bob Hope
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --Tom Lehrer
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do? --Ronnie Shakes
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. --Doug Lars
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. --Bob Hope
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --Tom Lehrer
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do? --Ronnie Shakes
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-26-2009, 09:23 AM
The Top Five Quotable Quotes.
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done. --Ernie Kovacs
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours. --H.L. Mencken
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. --G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter bullet. --Dave Barry
This isn't right. It isn't even wrong. --Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done. --Ernie Kovacs
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours. --H.L. Mencken
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. --G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter bullet. --Dave Barry
This isn't right. It isn't even wrong. --Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-27-2009, 08:42 AM
The Top Five Quotable Quotes.
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. --Joey Bishop
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate --Franklin P. Jones
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you. --Tommy Smothers
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --Norm Crosby
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. --Aaron Machado
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. --Joey Bishop
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate --Franklin P. Jones
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you. --Tommy Smothers
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --Norm Crosby
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. --Aaron Machado
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-28-2009, 08:51 AM
The Top Five Quotable Quotes.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. --Henny Youngman
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. --Jay Leno
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. --Darrin Weinberg
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --Fran Lebowitz
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. --H.L. Mencken
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. --Henny Youngman
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. --Jay Leno
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. --Darrin Weinberg
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --Fran Lebowitz
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. --H.L. Mencken
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-29-2009, 09:05 AM
The Top Five Halloween Jokes.
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!!!
Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.
Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!!!
Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.
Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
04-30-2009, 08:57 AM
The Top Five Halloween Jokes.
Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A. Ghoul
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A. Ghoul
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
05-01-2009, 09:53 AM
The Top Five Halloween Jokes.
Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.
Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.
Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.
Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.
Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.
Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.
Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.
Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.
Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
05-02-2009, 08:51 AM
The Top Five Halloween Jokes.
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.
Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving
Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. mas-scare-a.
Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.
Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving
Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. mas-scare-a.
Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
05-03-2009, 08:11 AM
The Top Three Halloween Jokes.
Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body
Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetite!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body
Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetite!
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore