The Top Three Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Words From The Office Vocabulary.
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Four Golf Thoughts.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin Quotes.
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five T-Shirts Slogans.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Albert Einstein Quotes.
"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wise Sayings About Government.
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. -- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wise Sayings About Government.
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wise Sayings About Government.
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Wise Sayings About Government.
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain
Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Three Wise Sayings About Government.
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
There is no distinctly native American criminal class... save Congress. -- Mark Twain
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five OXY-Morons.
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five OXY-Morons.
Diet ice cream
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Microsoft Works
Sanitary landfill
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five OXY-Morons.
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five OXY-Morons.
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Passive aggression
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore