The Top Five Imponderables.
* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
* If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
* Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Really Bad Headlines.
March Planned For Next August
Blind Bishop Appointed To See
Diaper Market Bottoms Out
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest
Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Punny Truisms.
* When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Punny Truisms.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: 'taint yours and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Punny Truisms.
* When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Punny Truisms.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Punny Truisms.
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Thanksgiving-Themed Movies.
10. "To Kill A Walking Bird"
9. "My Best Friend's Dressing"
8. "The Texas Coleslaw Massacre"
7. "Casserolablanca"
6. "Silence of the Yams"
5. "I Know What You Ate Last Winter"
4. "White Meat Can't Jump"
3. "All the President's Menu"
2. "When Harry Met Salad"
AND THE NUMBER ONE THANKSGIVING-THEMED MOVIE?
1. "The Wing and I"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Random Thoughts.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Random Thoughts.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Random Thoughts.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Random Thoughts.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Random Thoughts.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids' Deep Thoughts.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots."
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore