The Top Five One Liners.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected.
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One Liners.
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why does a 24-hour-open store have locks on the doors?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin Jokes.
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five George Carlin Jokes.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in ... what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Signs That You Might Be In The Insurance Industry.
1. You have sat in the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different companies.
2. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
3. When someone asks what you do for a living, you lie.
4. You get really excited about a 2% pay rise.
5. Your biggest loss from a systems crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Church Announcement Bloopers.
Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Church Bulletin Bloopers.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Announcement for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Workplace Quips.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Woman's Random Thoughts.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Court Exchanges.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Church Marquees.
"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case."
"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."
"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
"Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!"
"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Church Marquees.
"To belittle is to be little."
"Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you."
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow."
"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Life's Little Nuisances.
* Trying on sunglasses with the tag still attached to the bridge.
* The person behind you in the supermarket who keeps running their cart into the back of your ankle.
* The way everyone drives slower when you're in a hurry.
* The way everyone drives right on your bumper when you slow down to look for an address.
* You open a can of soup - or anything, really - and the lid falls in to it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Life's Little Nuisances.
* Setting your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m.
* A fantastic song on the radio and the DJ doesn't tell you who it is.
* Having to say to five different salespeople, "No thanks, I'm just looking."
* You reach under a table to pick something up and whack your head coming back up.
* The candy bar or bag of chips that gets stuck on the rotating clip in a vending machine.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Definitions.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore