The Top Five Oscar Wilde Quotes.
I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.
Genius is born - not paid.
A pessimist is one who, when he has a choice of two evils, chooses both.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Oscar Wilde Quotes.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Books With Punny Titles.
"Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep
"Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty
"Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel
"School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
"Living in Peace" by Al Kyda
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Books With Punny Titles.
"Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
"Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch
"Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago
"Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud
"The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Books With Punny Titles.
"Please Don't Hurt Me" by I. Bruce Easily
"Life Through the Eyes of a Drunk" by Al Coholic
"How to Cure Scratching" by Ivan Awfulich
"Discount Alternatives" by Robin Stuff
"How to Save Time" by Terry A. While
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Books With Punny Titles.
"Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples
"I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
"The Human Brain" by Sara Bellum
"The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow
"School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One Liners.
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Puns.
The roundest knight at king Arthur's table was Sir Cumference
A boy who looked like his father the sculptor was a chip off the old block
The jockey thought he was so clever feeding marijuana to his steed to enhance it's performance. Well, now he's busted, and it's time for him to get off his high horse. (David Reihmer)
Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers. (Renee from Napa)
"Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer." (Michael Rogers)
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Replies To The Question "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten That Signs You Might Be Canadian.
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You know Toronto is not a province.
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Replies To The Question "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Six Replies To The Question "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Ways To Sing The Blues.
1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.
I got a good woman-- with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Simple Home Remedies.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five One-liners.
Would the Standing Committee please sit down?
43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 Years.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Madness takes its toll; please have exact change...
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore