The Top Four Kid Comments.
* A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth?" One little girl spoke up: "According to my daddy -- terrible!"
* Trying to come to the aid of his father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the little tyke piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!"
* Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea," said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."
* I guess you can get too health conscious... The wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies or other, my grandson asked what vitamins they had in them. I told him I doubted there were any at all. He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just for fun?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Kids Conversations.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't i promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Redneck Movie Quotes.
"We'll always have Wal-Mart."
"You had me at 'Sooooey!'"
"Houston, we have a 'possum."
"Are you CRYING? There's no crying in NASCAR!"
"Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her '68 Rambler into mine."
"Use the horse, Luke!"
"I ate his ribs... with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack Daniel's."
"Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor pull, kid."
"I know what you're thinking... did he fire six shots or only five? Well, heck if I know! You KNOW I can't count no higher'n three since the chainsaw accident!"
"You want a tooth?! You can't HANDLE a tooth!!"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Funny Lawyer Quotes.
'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.'
Joe Martin
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.'
Benjamin H. Brewster
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
John Adams
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
LM Boyd
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Truisms.
# Never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
# Never go to Dudley. It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
# Dog owners! Your monstrously large hound is not more afraid of me than I am of it.
# The trick is to find the right man in the right pub.
# Never pretend you can horse-ride.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Hollywood Remakes Of Welsh Films.
# An American Werewolf in Powys
# The Magnificent Severn
# The Wizard of Oswestry
# Trefforest Gump
# Dai Hard
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Witticisms.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Sayings.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Sayings.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
If all is not lost, where is it?
Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Sayings.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Sayings.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse - it' ll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five History Class Statements.
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that name.
Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
Henry VIII couldn't walk because he had an abbess on each knee.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.
Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Oscar Wilde Quotes.
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
But what is the difference between literature and journalism?
Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Oscar Wilde Quotes.
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.
A poet can survive everything but a misprint.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Oscar Wilde Quotes.
As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.
Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore