The Top Five Quotes.
Knowledge without insight is like a horse in the library.
If Teddy Roosevelt were alive today, he probably would have said, "Walk softly and carry an Uzi." Sadly, we'll never know. --Lev L. Spiro
Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better. --Richard Hooker
A great way for to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much. --Frank Varano
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Bad Resume Examples.
These are real examples from real resumes:
*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*
- Responsibility makes me nervous.
- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- The company made me a scapegoat -- just like my three previous employers.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Quotes About Decision Making.
* For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (H L Mencken)
* Every decision you make is a mistake. (Edward Dahlberg)
* Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits. (Robert Louis Stephenson)
* Only one thing is certain - that is, nothing is certain. If this statement is true, it is also false. (Ancient Paradox)
* Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. (Will Rogers)
* There is nothing more requisite in business than dispatch. (Joseph Addison)
* There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. (Goethe)
* A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
* Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it. (Henry Ford)
* If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. (George Patton)
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Three Thanksgiving Puns.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by it's diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
Ben: One of our pigs was sick so I gave him some sugar.
Dan: Sugar! What for?
Ben: Haven't you ever heard of sugar-cured ham?
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Eight Kids' Science Theories.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Useful Phrases To Use At Work.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Sixteen Life's Little Nuisances.
* Trying on sunglasses with the tag still attached to the bridge.
* The person behind you in the supermarket who keeps running their cart into the back of your ankle.
* The way everyone drives slower when you're in a hurry.
* The way everyone drives right on your bumper when you slow down to look for an address.
* You open a can of soup - or anything, really - and the lid falls in to it.
* Finding out you stepped in dog poop ... AFTER you've walked across your carpet.
* Drinking from a soda can you thought was yours only to discover someone had extinguished their cigarette in it.
* Slicing your tongue licking an envelope.
* The tire gauge that lets out half the air in your tire while you're trying to get a reading.
* Televisions or radios that come in brilliantly while you tune them then fade to snow and static as you walk away.
* Realizing you never washed that bright red shirt by itself before ... after everything else in the load comes out pink.
* Setting your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m.
* A fantastic song on the radio and the DJ doesn't tell you who it is.
* Having to say to five different salespeople, "No thanks, I'm just looking."
* You reach under a table to pick something up and whack your head coming back up.
* The candy bar or bag of chips that gets stuck on the rotating clip in a vending machine.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Inspirational Posters.
If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a better job ... someday.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
If you think we're a bad company, you should see our competition.
Rome didn't create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing all those that opposed them.
We put the "k" in "kwality".
Two days without a human rights violation.
Your job is still better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Unlikely Marriages.
If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Nine Minnesota Bumper Stickers.
* Are those goose bumps or mosquito bites?
* Minnesota - where bottled water comes in cubes
* Visit Minnesota (weather permitting)
* Minnesota - Home of the bald ego
* Go Twins Go - and take the Vikequeens with you
* Minnesota: At least we're not one of them square states
* Minnesota: Summer falls on a Thursday this year.
* Minnesota: We're not nice, We're numb.
* Welcome to Minnesota! Caution: Some potholes contain fishermen.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Nine Signs That You are A Lousy Cook.
Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire alarm.
Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.
Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.
Your son goes outside to make mud pies, and the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.
Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.
Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.
Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.
No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Interesting Facts.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten New And Improved Greeting Cards.
OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.
OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in Hell 'till I met you.
OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
INSIDE: What the HECK was I thinking?
OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
INSIDE: that you're not here to ruin it for me.
OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your promotion.
INSIDE: Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
OUTSIDE: For every year that goes by, Mother
INSIDE: I just think of that inheritance getting closer and closer....
OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so ugly.
OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheater!
OUTSIDE: We have been friends for a very long time,
INSIDE: let's say we call it quits.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Seven Mother's Day One Liners.
If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?
Personally, I think today's kids ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother's Day -- like move out!
Hey guys -- looking for a great gift for your Mother-in-Law on Mother's Day? Why not send her back her daughter???
A single Mom was asked by a friend what her son was taking in college. With a sigh she replied, "Everything I have."
Fathers -- take heart, your day is coming, and you can be sure of getting at least one thing -- the bills from Mother's Day.
Most Mothers are always amazed when their sons/daughters marry a person with much lower mental capacity, ambition and moral standards, yet still manage to have utterly brilliant children.
A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother's advice about returning the gifts he'd given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied, "Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Five Will Rogers Quotes.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore