The Top Ten Reasons To Allow Drinking At Work.
It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Features Of The AOL Car.
# The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
# The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
# The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
# The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
# AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
# Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
# The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
# The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
# Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
# If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Top Ten Reasons Why It's Good To Be Italian.
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history... well, until about 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Country run by Sicilian murderers
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Top Ten Television Shows in Iraq
1. "Husseinfeld"
2. "Mad About Everything"
3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
4. "Suddenly Sanctions"
5. "Allah McBeal"
6. "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
7. "Achmed's Creek"
8. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
9. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
10. "Just Shoot Me"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Top Ten Things Not To Say On Your Anniversary.
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid.
# A few crumbs short of a crouton.
# A few clowns short of a circus.
# A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
# An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
# A few beers short of a six-pack.
# A few peas short of a casserole.
# The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
# One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
# One taco short of a combination plate.
# A few feathers short of a whole duck
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Eight Most Recalled Christmas Toys.
# Broken Bag-O-Glass
# Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
# Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
# Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
# Switchblade Barney
# Pork-n-Beany Babies
# Make your own moonshine kit
# Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top 10 Signs Your Broker Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash
1. "He can't come to the phone right now..he's on the ledge."
2. "He won't be in today...he was made an offer and he refused."
3. "He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift."
4. "I'm sorry, sir..she's not in...she's out digging up your can as we speak."
5. There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."
6. "He's on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?"
7. "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange"
8. "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."
9. "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."
10. "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Signs That You're Too Stressed.
# You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
# The Sun is too loud.
# Trees begin to chase you.
# You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
# You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
# You can hear mimes.
# You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
# You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
# Things become "Very Clear."
# You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Cards That You Will Never See In Hallmark.
# "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
# "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
# "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
# "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."
# "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
# "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
# "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
# "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
# "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"
# "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top 10 Floor Plans For The Planet Hollywood Movie Hotel
1. "Scream" suite which becomes vacant quickly.
2. Hotel pool never gets used due to menacing music and one lone fin circling at all times.
3. Marv Albert has reservations for "The Crying Game" floor.
4. More suicide jump precautions on the Pauly Shore floor than anywhere else.
5. No one takes a shower on the "Psycho" floor
6. Pee-Wee Herman as a tour guide...YIKES
7. No buttons on the elevator to the Star Wars floor...just use the Force.
8. Room service involves Shannon Tweed and George Clooney.
9. Wake up call on Stallone floor is "Yo, Adrian!"
10. "Showgirls" floor booked until 2010..by Congress.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top Ten Murphy's Travel Laws.
1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain.
# "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
# I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
# "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
# "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
# "Thanks idiot...I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
# "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
# "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
# "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
# "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
# "Ummmm...I'm looking for beer money?"
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore
Top Ten New Slogans for Valuejet Airlines
1. ValueJet: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
2. ValueJet: We're Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
Warm Christian Love
Bangalore