Paradise Cafe Discussions - A Place For Bible Research And Christian Encouragement

A new publication is now available.  It’s called “Reasoning With the Sisters.” Single brothers are encouraged to read and apply.

REASONING WITH THE SISTERS Introductions . . .

Current Events :heartbeat:

Good evening.  My name is ___________.  I’m a brother from (name congregation).  Did you see the TV news last night? That report on (mention some current item of concern, but don’t talk about cars or sports); what did you think about it?  It is not unusual for sisters to be concerned about these issues, but I believe that we are living in a time when we should be getting to know each other better. (Ask her to go out witnessing.)

Love/Kindness :heartbeat:

I have found many sisters are quite concerned about the lack of available brothers in the surrounding congregations.  Do you feel that way too?   Why do you think this is the trend?  Did you know  that I was interested in you? (Explain the reason.)

When Sisters Say: “I’m Busy” :shocked:

Hi.  My name is _____________.  I wanted to discuss with you how we can get to know each other better.  But I can see that you are busy (or about to go home).  May we get together for lunch on Saturday after field service and discuss it further?
How You Might Respond to Potential Conversation Stoppers:

“I’m Not Interested”:confused:

May I ask, do you mean that you are not interested in me or is it brothers in general that don’t interest you?  I ask that because I have met many sisters who at one time were interested in brothers, but aren’t anymore because they think brothers are hypocritical (or they feel brothers are chauvinistic; or they feel brothers today are not spiritual enough, etc.).  I don’t approve of such attitudes myself and if you get to know me I believe we could both look to the future with confidence. OR If you mean that you’re not interested in having another boyfriend, I can understand that.  But more likely you are interested in your future.  Can you see any prospect for a relationship in the future? OR Is that because you already have a boyfriend?  Tell me, do you think you will ever see a time when it will work out?  What seems to stand in the way?

“I’m Not Interested In You” :(

Many sisters tell me that.  Have you ever wondered why brothers like me keep trying, even though sisters generally may not be interested? OR
I can appreciate that, because I used to feel the same way about a sister. But, just to be fair, I decided to listen to her.  And I found out that I hadn’t been told the truth about her.  Now we are good friends.

Other Tips::coffeeread:

Keeping good records is the key to following up and developing a study of each other in the future.  Never ask if she got a chance to read the letters you wrote; instead, ask if she had any questions.  Always mention that she could make a voluntary donation of time spent with you.   Be sure to make definite arrangements to get together again, naming the date and time.  And remember, give HER the chance to accept or refuse; we cannot pre-judge.  Finally, if she refuses, it is not you that is being rejected, rather, it is your message of commitment.

Coming Soon :happyheart:

Insight on the Sisters . . .:read: already seven volumes, and continuing to grow.
Sisters - what happens to us when they cry?
Knowledge that leads to an everlasting Wife
Questions Old People Ask, Answers They Forget
Your Youths - Getting the most out of them

Hi SW:hibye:

That was so good, and funny, SW!!:D:clap. Here are some more tips, straight from the real source.

Birthdays. It doesn't matter to me how old you are! I love you anyway!( that's for brothers who only like the younger and more attractive sisters).And there are many!:rant:

Dates. Anytime. Just date me!:whistle:

Encouragement. Just say nice things. All the time! Regardless of whether she is in one of THOSE moods.:cheekkiss:

False Prophets: I'm the sincere kind. Honestly!:love:

Fate. It's with me! Don't you just feel that! :heartbeat:

Heaven. It's when I'm with you darling! :giverose

Hell. Not the same answer as above, please!!! Otherwise it might just turn into that!

Government. I promise not to lord it over you.:readthis:

Holidays. How about the Bahamas?:thumbsup:

Independence. No, never! I'll always be there for you, and hopefully you will be for me.:heartbeat:

Life. We can live forever in paradise on earth!:hug:

Marriage. Only with you.:giverose:

Neutrality. I'll keep out of the kitchen! And I'll always enjoy whatever you put in front of me. I promise! :eat:

Paradise. Our home, be it large or small.:coffeeread:

Rapture. I think we can all figure that one out! I hope!?:blush:

Salvation. Is only with me!:love:

Sex. A gift from God. How could it be wrong? Once we're wed of course!:hug:

Suffering. My life right now, without you!:(

Tongues, Speaking in. No gossiping. We must try to always use lips of praise!:ok:

Trinity. When we have our first child.:cheer:

Women. A thorn in mans side!? Well, why shouldn't we be. It's where we came from.:D

Smoldering Wick, did you say seven volumes? That doesn't sound like a lot to me!:read::read::read::read::read::read::D

Christian love to all.
Sister Grateful.:giverose:

:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P

Hilarious :thumbup::thumbsup::clap:

Did you write that, sw?

Too funny! I'm sending that one to lots of people! :D:D

Justicia

"priceless"...Watchtower correspondent in Brooklyn.

...question from reader, "Was this copied from the
Kingdom Miseries?"

Ha ha! I had a copy of this years ago and lost it. Good to see it again.

No, I found it among my hundreds of saved jokes and thought we all needed a good laugh :funnyface::rofl:

Not to mention that anyone attending this weeks service meeting, was entertained with demos of just this type of "training" for the door-to-door work. Classic Delphi techniques, http://www.conspiracyarchive.com/NewAge/...Agents.htm :funnyface:

Here is a sort of sequel to what Smoldering Wick posted.

The District Conventions are right around the corner. We all know that 85-90 percent of all scouting done is done here. This is a time for some SERIOUS discretion. I don’t want anyone walking around not knowing what they’re doing.

Sisters, this is what you’ll be encountering:

The Watchers - The ones who sit with binoculars during the whole convention and stare at you.
The Fronters - The ones who give you this long story about how they’re ministerial servant, regular pioneer, etc. All the while you’re staring at a diamond stud in their ears.
The Wallholderuppers - Now brothers, there’s nothing wrong with standing by a wall. But if you’re there when she arrives, when she goes to the bathroom in the morning, at lunch and in the afternoon, there’s a problem.
The Annoyers - The guy who meets you on Friday and every time you pass him in the corridor, he’s calling your name and saying “HI!!”
The Player - The guy who tries to get your number Friday, and by Sunday has tried to talk to all the girls.
The Desperate One - The one who begins with, “Can I get your number?” You reply “No”, and then he proceeds to ask for every sort of communication to reach you (address, pager, cell, e-mail, etc.).
The Fast One- The one who meets you on Friday, and by Sunday he’s trying to sit with you.
The Gamer - The one who walks by you a few times, looking for your name on your lapel badge. Then, next time he passes by, he calls you by your name and says “Don’t I know you?”
The Shy One - The one who has his boy tell you what he wants you to know.
The Follower - The one who follows you all 3 days of the convention, but never says a word to you.
The Talker - The one who meets you at the convention, then shows up at your hall for the very next meeting.
The Liar - You find out later that he’s 30 years old, as been married 7 years, divorced for 1 year, is currently engaged, and still trying to talk to you.
The O.G. - The ones you’ve seen the past 10 years, standing on the walls trying to talk to everyone.
The “I’m Too Fine, So I Know You Want Me” Ones - Ones who approach you, but automatically think that you want them.
The Skittle- The Brother who seems to have a suit in every BRIGHT color, with patent leather shoes and a belt to match.
First Man- The Brother who always seems to have like 4 or five other body guards…I mean brothers with him all the time.
The Rat Pack- The brothers that always “hang” together, goofing off and acting a mess till they spot you coming then they go into cool mood all of a sudden.
The Narco’s- Narcoleptics I mean. The well-dressed brother who sits like 3 or four rows behind or in front of you, who removes his suit jacket before the session starts, places it in the seat in front of him, grabs his bible and places it on his right knee than proceeds to SLEEP through the WHOLE session!!!
The Invisible one- The Brother you have seen for the past who-knows how many years at the convention. Well-dressed, approachable, qualified, great smile. You only see him once or twice during the whole three days and every time you see him, it’s for less than a second then he just seems to disappear, and you don’t see him again till next year when he does the same disappearing act. You never know where or when he’s
going to show up, he’s just there and gone. And for some odd reason you just know you’re meant to have his last name. sigh Maybe this year!
Chosen Ones- This brother has the same qualifications as the Invisible Brother, and you sit like maybe a row or two from him, just when you think it’s going to be a great 3 days seeing him, “she” walks up the steps and sits in the seat next to him. He’s taken! If it’s too good to be true, it’s not true!

And last, but not least, we have:

The Wanted Ones- These are the ones who have all the qualities you like, are the complete opposite of the guys mentioned above, but never approach you. The brother who always seems to be running around, suit jacket blowing in the wind on Ministerial Servant/Attendant “missions”, “assignments” or “investigations” EVERY TIME you see him, and can only manage to wave hello and flash a beautiful smile.
WATCH OUT BROTHERS,

Here’s your obstacle course:

LIARS- these sisters say, “I would love to go to Bethel someday. I could definitely see myself as a pioneer when I’m married.” Meanwhile, you can’t help but to notice their tight-fitting dress with a slit beginning at the waist as they say it.
$$$ISTERS- these sisters wear so much make-up that they cause riots with the sales reps at Macy’s. Her nails are so long that shaking her hand would be putting Jehovah to the test. The color of their hair is anything BUT the color of THEIR hair (grape-ity purple, lemony yellow, and blueberry blue) IF THAT IS THEIR HAIR. And she thinks she is the finest thing in the Coliseum. (BROTHERS count every item of gold or platinum jewelry she has on. That ’s ONE JOB PER ITEM to provide for her.)
GIGGLERS- this group of girls chooses a particular spot at the convention site and proceeds to laugh as though they heard the most hilarious joke, so that brothers can come over to them to find out what they were laughing about.
“GIFTED” SISTERS- These sisters claim to have the “gift of singleness” meanwhile they have given their phone number, e-mail, pager#, etc., to at least 5 brothers and they know where/when every gathering in the tri-state area is being held- both English AND Spanish.
FAKERS- these sisters are on a more, shall we say, PSYCHOTIC level than the GIFTED ones. These sisters refuse to get married NOT EVER. EEEEEVVERRR! They speak of this divinely established arrangement as though it was a curse, and those seeking to get married will not survive Armageddon. And the brother, WHO SHE JUST GAVE HER NUMBER TO, must feel the same way.
BABY’S MAMA SISTERS- instead of being straight-forward about her child, this sister will keep her child with her parents, relatives, or say it’s a sibling, until the engagement ring finally comes around.
STALKERS- these sisters/possibly worldly girls, rather than sit attentively and take notes during the meeting, view the convention meeting as the perfect time to pass notes about a particular brother in the area. They use binoculars to see where his seat is and when he leaves. Their friends are positioned in different areas of the arena, each equipped with cell phones and 2-way pagers. And it is just coincidence that everywhere the brother goes, THERE SHE IS. Do you introduce yourself, or inform the attendants that you are in possible danger?!

What you’re looking for…

SHULAMNITE MAIDENS- this sister is PLATINUM personified marriage material.
She is modest, takes notes during the convention meetings, volunteers in any way that she can, keeps her association balanced, is attractive while not being provocative, and is the TOTAL OPPOSITE of all the sisters mentioned. She is the one that “wanted brothers ” would cut their right arm off for just to say “hi”. Unfortunately, the “wanted” brothers are just too busy to say hi.

So when you sisters, AND JUST YOU SISTERS, see us taking care of the garbage at the conventions; with an attendant badge on, trying desperately to balance our attention between the talks and the sister with 9-inch heels who is about to stumble down the stairs; regulating traffic in the corridors when we would love to be taking notes; staying 3 hours after the convention has ended to clean the whole site; canvassing the parking lot in the HOT weather to protect your cars, etc. come over and just say “hello”. Commend us for sacrificing our time so that you could have an enjoyable and safe weekend at the District Convention. Invite us to your local meeting. Or …………. Go talk to the brothers who have been leaning against the walls of the corridors for all three days. Hey…they can’t ALL be disfellowshipped

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore

Best response from the friends so far is from a sister who replied, "I can't wait for "Reasoning With The Brothers" to be release...but we'll probably have to wait a long time for that!"

Justicia

That's because it was the shortest book ever written and got smaller with every revision. I believe that this was largely the fault of those brothers who imagined that they might attempt to write about themselves ... a feat next to impossible, as you sisters are very much aware.

In reality, it is the sisters who answer this question subliminally in their compilation of the new 70 volume "Insight on the Sisters." (did I say 70? perhaps related to the number of times a day Christians ... esp. brothers ... need to be forgiven?)

sw

Insight on the Sisters

Here it is! Ready for immediate release—Seven Volumes (condensed version) of Insight on the Sisters. :read::read::read::read::read::read::read:The full edition—now 70 volumes, is also available to any wishing a much more sizeable investment of time and money, and you should be warned that this multiple volume set is still under revision, due in part to the fact that no information can be outdated and all is subject to clarification. (somewhat like IRA or CRA Tax Interpretation Bulletins) :funnyface:

Let’s have a brief look at its preface: :coffeeread: “Having in your possession ‘Insight on the Sisters’ is almost as sacred as the Scriptures. There are numerous chapters which suggest this: ‘Armageddon—A Battle Second Only to That of the Sexes,’ ‘Why It Only SEEMS Married Men Live Longer,’ ‘From New Moon to New Moon—Life in Paradise.’” :whistle:

sw

I have always felt it was a bit difficult to reason with or have insight on the sisters. Mainly because Sisters have a habit of changing their minds every few seconds. So by the time one gets some Insight and figures it out it is already outdated information. As they say a woman's mind is never made up.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore

Well  Bangalore I can only say the roses'n'bloom said it best already on your other thread. But if I might risk repeating her, it goes this way:

Volume I of the new 'Insight' books wisely opens with a glossary of terms that actually doubles as a quick reference “survival guide” for brothers whose thought processes are less than Neanderthal and rarely go deeper than the dipstick on their 427. Some sisters have regarded this as “reasoning with the brothers”, but in most cases, men are not that swift and must first learn how the reasoning process works. :read: There are no exceptions.

Glossary of terms and expressions used by sisters and what they really mean.:coffeeread:

“FINE”: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

“FIVE MINUTES”: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

“NOTHING”: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

“GO AHEAD” (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

“GO AHEAD” (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get one raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

“LOUD SIGH”: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

“SOFT SIGH”: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

“OH”: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

“THAT’S OKAY”: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with the unspoken raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

“PLEASE DO”: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

“THANKS”: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Don’t ask questions. Just say “you’re welcome” and shut up.

“THANKS A LOT”: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks a Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be aware that if you ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” she will only tell you “Nothing.” (If you have forgotten already what “NOTHING” means you are broaching great danger of being told “FINE”)

Last but not least is:

“THE SILENT SMILE”: Of all inaudible expressions, the silent smile, while subtle, is the most communicative but requires great caution when attempting to read. :seehearspeak:ALL smiles are given for different reasons. NONE of them are exactly the same. Pay close attention to facial nuances—twitches, curled lips at the corner, any slight movements of eyebrows, directional eye shifts, etc. These tell you exactly what her smile means—what thoughts are actually going through her mind while smiling. Here are some samples:

Smile with one eyebrow raised: ‘Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.’

Tight smile with corners of mouth curled upward, head tilted slightly forward and eyebrows arched: ‘The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re imaginative or the least bit artistic.’

Furtive smile with one corner of mouth pulled to the side and eyes rolled up: ‘I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.’

Same as above but with shake of head: ‘Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.’

Full smile with just a hint of idiocy: ‘I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.’

Sardonic smile: ‘What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?’

Tiny smile with narrowed eyes: ‘I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.’

Same as above with significantly narrowed eyes: ‘I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.’

Also same as above with slight shake of head: ‘I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.’

Overly broad smile with arched eyebrows: ‘How about never? Is never good for you?’

Normal smile—subtly altered by eyes rolling upward: ‘I’m really easy to get along with once you put me on a pedestal and worship me.’


Thoughful smile with narrowed eyes: ‘I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.’

Thoughful smile, narrowed eyes with slight twinge in the brow : ‘You are validating my inherent mistrust of men.’

As above with slightly twitching mouth : ‘I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.’

As above but with twitching radiating further out to cheek: ‘Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.’

sw :igiveup: