Hello everyone.
I hate to be a bother and I know I've not been round much recently, but I could really use a little encouragement. I specifically don't want prayer (there are reasons why, just trust me, I know exactly where God is in this and his opinions, but I'm finding it hard to agree with Him despite knowing, as usual, He is right, but my brain seems to be dislocated from my Spirit at this point)
I couldn't be happier with my wonderful, thriving son, my beautiful daughter, my amazingly wonderful hubby - in fact, I feel really bad feeling like I do when I have so much to be thankful for - but, and it may seem like nothing, but I can't get a handle on being fat.
Okay, I know i'm losing weight, but I honestly feel extremely worthless at the moment. I don't have post natal depression - just a ressurgence of some old thoughts. Usually, when I want to loose weight, I half-starve myself. This isn't an option since I'm breastfeeding (pretty much every hour at the moment) and my son's nutrition fortunately is more important than my vanity. I'm not able to run for another 2 months because of the c-section, although I'm walking about 7 miles a day now.
Somehow, I have to become patient enough to let the weight come off slowly and not hate myself and feel a faliure because I'm not thin (yes, even reading it I know how pathetic I sound and I want to slap myself and tell me to grow up too)I even started to consider throwing up after meals the other day, but again, I need all the good food I can get to make good milk.
Why I can't just accept myself with a little more weight on I don't know. Its annoying because I am so very proud of my family but so very ashamed of myself. I'm looking forward to running again but Ideally I want to shift the weight first.
Anyway, feeling a little low, and more than a little angry at myself for feeling low. I could just do with somehow believing God when He tells me my weight is actually of no importance.....but in my mind, its become important again - I do not want to experience self-hatred again. I know some of this is probably from lack of sleep, and hormones.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I'll try to stop being pathetic now.I think I'll start popping in here a bit more. I miss you guys.
Sorry to hear about how you are feeling, Malkah! Believe me, I know how you feel, as I, too, have problems losing the wieight I have put on, due to menopause and hormonal changes. :(I never was thin as a reed, but I don't like the way I am , and haven't done for a long time now. I try not to let it get me down, but with all the body images we see around us today, is it really any wonder that women who aren't in perfect physical condition have difficulties accepting themselves? We know, actually, that most women have a problem accepting themselves, and that includes women who we would most definitely deem as beautiful!Amazing, isn't it? I can't really give you any advice, other than what you obviously already know.We have to learn to live with what we've got, and look around us, and see those with other kinds of physical infirmities as being far worse off than we are. Not easy to do, but it helps. Feeling unworthy is a fact that most women (men also ) have to live with.It won't ever leave us, but we can fight it by being as positive as we can, even if we have to force ourselves to be positive! As you are doing!Just remember that the women you may envy (not in a bad way) probably envy other women and have feelings of worthlessness.I believe that when Jehovah stated to Eve that her desire would be for her husband, this is what he meant. This desire always to be approved by men in general, not just our husbands, based on what our appearance is like.:( There are obviously other factors involved, our upbringing, family background, society in general,etc, which also add to our feelings of worthlessness.You will begin to feel good again, and of course these feelings will return every now and again, but you'll get through it, as you have other times! Yes, count your wonderful blessings, and don't feel too guilty or remorseful about the way you feel. Jehovah knows every inch of you, and knows exactly your every inner thought and doubt. It seems that while we are in this system of imperfection, depression and dissatisfaction will be the order of the day! :dontknow:Sorry I couldn't be of more help, maybe someone else can do better!:thinking: Take care, and do pop in more often, as we miss your wonderful wisdom and eloquence!
Agape to you, Malkah:hug::drinking::cheer:
Your sister and fellow sufferer!!
Sis Grateful:giverose:
Hello there Malkah and little one(s) ... :hibye:
It sounds to me my dear one that you need a GREAT BIG HUG ... :hug:
You know when I read your feelings I couldn't help but feel sad ... :(
The first thing that came to my heart my dear was that YOU are not your 'body' ... but YOU are ALL of you ... inside and out ... it is your heart, your personality, your qualities that make you you ...
With all the emphasis on 'body image' ... and you are what you look like kind of message it is no wonder that so many women (and girls ... sigh) tend to think of the externals ...
I'm not sure if you know who 'Twiggy' was ... but IMHO she was the beginning of the ruination of some women's self worth and wrong self-image ...
She had a skinny minnie miller type of body, more boyish than curvaceous, and hence began that eternal quest for the 'perfect body' ... the 'not fat' kind of look ... :(
For me, that kind of 'look' was way out of the picture ... even at my skinniest, 109, I still looked like I was 'overweight' by SOCIETIES standards ... and then after my baby boy was born and I couldn't exercise due to serious complications ... well ... let's just say I am still struggling with that bit of 'baby fat' that goes with the beautiful territory of bringing a life into this world ...
Now it appears that things are heading from bad to worse ... again IMHO ... because of a 'spice girl' (don't know her name) but she is supposed to be a size ZERO ... who would ever want to be a size NOTHING ...??!!:shocked:
Again, IMHO it would be those who live for their 'bodies' instead of 'themselves' ... :(
And since MOST women are DESIGNED to have curves, and as you get older it is HEALTHIER to have some 'meat' on your bones ... well ... it is a MAJOR CONFLICT than women are finding they have to struggle with ... and a conflict that to me isn't healthy or good for us ...
THAT is what I think we mom's should try to dwell on when we 'look in the mirror ... that our bodies were a 'vessel' that brought to fruition something PRECIOUS ... that 'fruitage of the belly' ... that is only possible because of how we were created by our Grand Maker!! :D :baby:
If I remember correctly, (my memory isn't always bang on) you have always been very active and in shape ...
Sooooooo, my advice to you is ... :love::giverose:
Give it some more time ... PLEASE ... :giverose::happyheart:
Perhaps thinking back on how women used to look might be a good thing to reflect upon ... all the old famous portraits of women had a more voluptuous look did they not ... even the old movie stars who looked upon as being sexy were not skinny rails ... they were more NORMAL looking ...
Just being active, walking, doing some exercises will get your metabolism restarted and I'm sure you will begin to see a difference ... but if you never go back to the size and shape you were before ... try to remember you are not the person you were before (in shape) ... and perhaps that will help you not to be so discouraged ...
I'm not sure if my rattling as been encouraging to you or more discouraging ... but it was said in the spirit of love and a desire to encouraging and upbuilding ... hopefully I managed a teensy weensy bit!;)
Anyway, dear Ish ...
Remember this ...
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL :rose: ... for you are a CHILD OF GOD ... and ALL of his children are beautiful are they not!! :thumbsup::grouphug:
May Jah eventually be able to help you FEEL that about your 'outside' as well as your 'inside' ...
Luv as always, with a hug and kiss thrown in for good measure ... BR :hug::cheekkiss: :sheepy: :bouncyhearts:
Hi Malkah :cheekkiss: I am so sorry you are feeling so blue--probably to be expected at this age of your baby tho. The 'baby blues' have been determined to hit later than we previously thought. At one time it was said your baby is born and you went right into depression but now they say a month or two later--wham!! This usually passes Malkah as hormones right themselves. :heartbeat: I am soo happy tho to hear your little one is thriving --there's nothing more important than that...and the rest of it will pass also--the weight will come off as time goes by. I was thinking how wonderful it is for you that you are a runner and love it-- And I am thinking once you resume your running schedule the weight will fall off... in the meantime babies are really little for such a short time. It goes by like a blink of the eye So--you hang in there and know that you've done such a wonderful and beautiful thing--the rest will right itself shortly I am thinking. And of course the real thing is we all here think you are a wonderful and beautiful person with a wonderful and beautiful heart. ------with love and much affection xxxxxxxwolfie.....
Hi dear Malkah :)
Lovely to hear from you.
From what I have read of you via your posts, you come across as a Thinking woman. As you said here - "...a ressurgence of some old thoughts. " the brain talks, sends messages that are powerful that brings about 'feelings' that cause us to feel bad about ourselves, our body image, self-worth, etc. It's all very normal especially after giving birth.
There's some beautiful thoughts expressed here by the sisters so take heart that they realize just how you are thinking and consequently feeling.
By the way, for myself I giggle when I see the models prancing up and down the catwalk, flouncing along imagining they are stunning. Their deadpan expressions say it all - not happy is the result. I think a woman needs to jiggle just a little when whe walks regardless whether the curves are in the 'right place'. Marylyn Monroe had it all in my opinion and others like her.
Get your jiggle going soon,
Love to you and your family,
Tessa[/i]
Hey there Malkah,
Hang in there.
One extra benefit of breastfeeding is that it helps you lose the weight you gained during pregnancy. Your body burns alot of calories and uses alot of fat to make milk.:cheer:
Something about the whole pregnancy/childbirth experience makes us fret about our bodies. This is just a temporary phase. Don't be too down about not being able to run yet. You'll run plenty in a few months when the baby starts running.:clap::cheer:
too fat ?
too skinny ?
too tall ?
too mini ?
to blond ?
to gray ?
too straight ?
too gay ?
Malkah, throw away this kind of measuring cup! Pin it, don't let it breed! Shake those worthless parasites of your heels.
One way to realize how lucky we really are is to take daily walks through hospital wards. I highly recommend the urology department. Another one that I personally found rather working as a "put in perspective tool" was working for the ambulance on weekends. It has truly shaped my opinion on what is important and what is not.
My best friend's father had me in stitches one day after his wife complained of having gained a couple of pounds. He responded:
"Making love to a skinny woman is like jumping on a pile of clothes hangers."
Enjoy your extra pounds - it's winter, they come in handy. And way before spring you'll be back to adding miles to your heels in record time.
Go snuggle!
Bruny
PS: gogh, if that baby doesn't get everyone to laugh then I don't know.........made me wish I were younger.
:friends: You're such a smart lady Ish, and know where to find encouragement! I love everyone's posts - so funny, Bruny!
:hug: Oh dear Malkah - I'm sorry you're down.
Sheesh girl - you've got to think comparatively - compared to me you ARE Twiggy! *sigh* When someone asks how I am, I say: "Compared to what?" :giggle: I used to be fit and physically strong and able... but now I'm old and 'fat 'n' happy'! The thing that makes me blue sometimes is my hubby's past attitude towards 'chubby' people, such as saying "wide glide" for a big motorcycle mamma - and he thinks Marilyn Monroe was a "pig"! *big sigh* When we were first married he actually asked me to promise him I wouldn't get 'fat'! *SIGH!* To date I've gained 40 unmoveable pounds and he still weighs the same - even after 15 years of my cooking, or maybe because of my cooking, lol. It really is a result of my being happy though, 'cause the only way I was ever able to keep my weight low was to be a nervous wreck - so 'weighed in the balance'(lol), I guess a few pounds are preferrable. And hubby would never ever say anything mean to me about it - it's just that I vividly remember things he's said in the past so I'm tremendously shy now, something he doesn't quite 'get', but he or I will surely get over it one of these days.:P
Breast-feeding really does help shed baby weight - but it's not a quick fix. You have to be patient sis - it will come off, but slowly - like a year to 18 months maybe? And of course you know that all the good nutrients and proteins and fats aren't going to be staying in your body - that's all going to the milk, so continue to eat healthy like I know you are and you're gonna be just fine. Even better than some who don't understand how their bodies co-operate like you do. All your organs, bones, musculature and chemistry have to come back into sync too and that just takes time. Patience, sweet patience! I saw a lady jogging with a stroller in front of her the other day and thought of you, Malkah. :siskiss: The child was about 1 and looked like he was having a blast! lol.
:love: Much love to you sis - keep thinking up - forward and upward and onward! :grouphug:
:friends: Your friend and sympathizer, Willa :giverose:
Bruny,
Great post!
Reminds me of a song "Cumbersome" by Seven Mary Three.
Too black, too white
Too wrong or too right
Too heavy, too light
Cumbersome
After my second child was born, it took me about 7 months to get back into my jeans. After my first child, it only took 7 weeks.
Gogh, the baby laughing on you tube almost makes me want another one---so I'll NOT be watching that again. LOL.
Willa, when I met my husband 13 years ago I weighed about 95 pounds--now I'm about 125. He says I look much better now.:thumbsup: even with my salt n' pepper hair.
All my sisters here are beautiful and I love y'all very much!
My best friend's father had me in stitches one day after his wife complained of having gained a couple of pounds. He responded:
"Making love to a skinny woman is like jumping on a pile of clothes hangers."
Too funny, Bruny! It reminded me of what my favourite aunt who was more than a little overweight used to say:
:cheer: More bounce to the ounce! :cheer:
Malkah dearie, please be patient with your body...it's a GOOD body! :hug:
Think "jogging stroller" in the Spring when the weather is fine and the body is willing to shed some of its Winter insulation.
Now is not the time to be thinking of losing weight. Aim for maintaining or a very slight gain. It happens to me every year at this time. Somewhere in the middle of March I feel my body tell me that it's safe and proper to shed those pounds I accumulated over Winter.
Enjoy that new baby of yours and know that we love you. :grouphug: Rez:giverose:
Very sad for those children ( as well as the adults).:(Hope they can get that weight down, otherwise their lives will be cut short.:(
Agape, Sis Grateful :giverose:
I know your problems Lady M.
I no longer diet, because I have thyroid problems. Instead I enjoy hard work, because in the long run I am healthier.
You are tired, very tired. Just don't worry for now, your family will love you and your love handles.
Don't forget, you need much more iron breast feeding than when pregnant. You need masses of other vitamins and minerals too. You will need suppliments. Good food these days does not fill those needs. Even the British government admits that!
Sorry I am off line for a while, but thinking of you.
Love vicky